An update and supplements report

It’s been so long since I’ve posted, which is a good thing in terms of my health. My last thyroid ultrasound in mid-January showed that the tumor had grown slightly to an ellipsoid volume of 111.2, up from 104.4 in October. So a slight increase. It’s funny, though, because the radiologist who has mostly ignored any decreases up until now, actually ignored this slight increase and wrote on his report that the tumor had decreased 10% in volume over the year. This was enough to put my doctor at ease and we agreed that the next ultrasound would be in 6 months (July).

I continue on my spiritual path, which has felt particularly difficult this year. I really hope this is because I am making progress:) My health, on the other hand, has been better than it’s been in years. Our family (me, husband and two children 8 and 9 years old) made it through this winter healthier than we ever have. Far healthier. I think I got one minor cold. And now as I enter allergy season it’s been so far so good. Last year at this time I was wiped out many afternoons, something that has been going on since spring of 2010 when I initially discovered the thyroid nodule.

In part I credit the improvement to figuring out some good supplements. Currently I am taking

• fermented cod liver oil (3 capsules/day)
• vitamin D3 (5000 mg/day)
• NOW magnesium citrate (400 mg/day in evening)
• Pure Radiance C powder (1 tsp/day) I take this rather than regular vitamin C because it’s not a corn derivative, and I have or had an allergy to corn. It’s kind of expensive, but I swear it seems to keep my immune system strong.
• Pure (brand name) Adrenal (1 in am, 1 in pm)
• Thorne Selenomethionine (200 mcg in am)
• Lugol’s 5% solution iodine (1 drop 1-3x/week)
• Celtic sea salt (1/2 tsp) on days that I take Lugol’s, also use it liberally on my food

I was also taking Riboflavin and Niacin for much of the winter, but I began to get stomach aches and when I removed it, they went away. I have to say figuring out the supplements has been very tricky for me. I was using David Brownstein’s book Iodine as a guide, but the amounts of things he recommends have been way too much for me. For instance, he recommends that people with cancer take up to 50 mg/day. 1 drop is 6.25 mg, and the most I have been able to take is 4 drops/week.

My main problem with iodine has been that it upsets my sleep. I have trouble falling asleep and/or wake up as early as 3 am unable to fall back asleep. It’s for that reason that I am taking the Pure Adrenal, which supports your adrenals, which are, I guess, what get thrown out of whack by the iodine for some people. I also think it’s important to take the selenium as that balances out the iodine and supports the thyroid.

I feel like with these supplements, my energy is really good, my sex drive is decent, and my periods are fairly regular.  When I wasn’t taking them (I didn’t start until January 2013) my periods were getting all screwed up, and my sex drive was nil. And I have to say it has taken me a very long time to figure out what is right for me. Sleep being the main problem when things go off.

There is one more supplement I am starting to take (and wonder if down the line it might be all that I need). That is Pure Synergy Vita-Min-Herb for women. There is also a version for me. I think I should probably be taking a multi-vitamin, too. Like all the others I don’t seem to be able to handle the recommended dose so I am alternating taking it with Lugol’s. My rule of thumb is that I have to have had 2 good nights of sleep before taking anything that contains iodine (in case it disrupts my sleep). And this supplement contains iodine.

One more thing about supplements is that I think the organic or whole food versions of them are much more potent than the synthetic ones. So, for instance, I was taking Dr. Ron’s magnesium pills for a while. These are only 150 mg, but one pill was all I needed. Magnesium seems to help keep my digestion going well. Since switching to NOW magnesium I am taking 400 mg. I think the same is true of that Pure Radiance C powder– it’s way less vitamin C than is recommended by Dr. Brownstein, but (I think) it’s been great at keeping my immune system strong. That’s not to say you have to take organic, but that not all versions work the same so you can’t just go by the milligrams.

I think I’ve given this link before, but this is a .pdf guide to supplementing with iodine based on Dr. Brownstein and Dr. Abraham’s research, which is helpful.

So overall I am feeling very good and don’t really believe that I have cancer anymore. I set an intention every night before I sleep for the tumor to dissolve in the most productive way possible and for perfect health to manifest in every cell of my body. I will see what the ultrasound shows in July, but the tumor/nodule doesn’t seem to be changing much that I can tell. On the other hand, it doesn’t seem as visible as it used to.

I am still avoiding corn. I’m not eating popcorn or corn chips or straight corn, but I’m not concerned about getting small doses of it in other things. I believe what I thought was a very strong reaction (crazy insomnia) to it in the late summer was stress rather than corn. Perhaps this summer when the spring allergens are gone, I’ll give corn a try again.

 

Ultrasound Results

I have a lot to write. (It has been a long time!) But first I will say that I had an ultrasound last week, and the results show that the tumor has shrunk again. Even the radiologist wrote that it was “slightly smaller” than on May 6th. It now measures 3.1 cm x 3.1 cm x 2.6 cm. The first measurement in May 2010 was 3.6 cm x 2.3 cm x 1.8 cm, and the largest measurement in May 2012 was 3.9 cm x 3.4 cm x 2.6 cm. I wrote before that I use an ellipsoid volume calculator to get an idea of the mass, since that’s the shape it has. Here are those same measurements in volume:  Latest ultrasound 104.4.   First ultrasound 62.3.  Largest ultrasound 144. So I’m halfway back to the start of this, if that means anything.

It’s been 5 months since the last ultrasound. My primary care physician, who has been strongly recommending surgery since the start of this, mentioned in the spring that she might not be able to continue to work with me (without my following conventional protocol) since her practice had been bought up by a more conservative organization. So for a while I thought I was doctorless– which was both freeing in a way and also depressing. But her nurse called the other week and said she wanted me to set up another ultrasound, so we are back on. I am happy about that because this doctor is a very good person and cares very much– and also it is fun to have ultrasounds and get feedback. If I hadn’t had an ultrasound I wouldn’t have thought anything had changed. I try to measure the lump with these body fat calipers that I have, but I can only measure one side, and I can get different readings depending on how hard I squeeze, where I place them… They are only helpful for large changes.

So these results have given me a bit of a boost. Though I was feeling good about things even before this. Which I will write more about in another post.

Follow-up appointment

I had my follow-up appointment with the alternative doctor two days ago. It was a bit disappointing because he was totally unprepared. He had looked at the results of all the allergy testing he ordered, but hadn’t looked at any lab results– I had a ton of labs done– and seemed to have forgotten everything that he asked me to do– which was a ton of things. I have to pay for the visits out of pocket so I started asking him direct questions, but if I had known he wasn’t going to be prepared, I would have given him a review and gathered all the lab tests myself.

As it was he wanted to order more lab tests without even having seen the first! Anyhow. I am very grateful to him for recognizing that I had a food allergy.

So vaguely what I got out of the appointment was that I can either cut corn completely out of my diet (which is beginning to seem very difficult, if not impossible) or I can do Low Dose Allergen Therapy. The doctor prefaced this by saying that this method meant coming to his office once every 2 months for 2 years and getting an injection that costs $200 and taking supplements and seeing a dietician. He framed it all in a way that was very discouraging, but honestly I have spent already more than that on my two visits with him and and 4 allergy testing sessions. (I realize that I am very fortunate to be able to afford these things.)

You can read more about Low Dose Allergen Therapy here. This is the website of W.A. Shrader, the doctor how developed it. I also came across this site, which has a more succinct description. It actually sounds pretty awesome with what it can accomplish– ridding you of all allergies– food and environmental– but there are some serious restrictions in diet around the time of each injection.

The doctor was very enthusiastic about me starting iodine supplementing and gave me a prescription for Lugol’s, which is the liquid form of Iodoral and doesn’t contain corn. I said, “Doesn’t that taste horrible?” and he said, “It doesn’t taste horrible. It’s disgusting.” He said I should take it with 2 ounces of juice and then follow it with a 2 oz juice chaser because it burns as it goes down your throat. Nice.

Instead I ordered I-Throid by RLC Labs. They say that it’s exactly the same formulation as Iodoral except without any corn. RLC is the same company that makes Nature-Throid, a natural thyroid hormone replacement, so I am optimistic. It hasn’t arrived yet.

In the meantime I started taking magnesium in the form of magnesium orotate. My lab test showed that I am low on magnesium, and the doctor recommended I take Magnesium-Potassium Taurate from Emerson Ecologics.  I decided to give the magnesium I had already purchased this spring a try instead. It was a new bottle, and it didn’t appear to have any corn ingredients in it. It was recommended by someone on the Iodine Yahoo group: “Nutrient Carriers Incorporated, Advanced Research, Magnesium Orotate, 500 mg, 100 Tablets” from iHerb.com.

Bad idea! I started taking it two days ago in a fairly high dose as the doctor had recommended. Nothing unusual happened the first day, but last night I had trouble falling asleep and then woke up at 1:45 and was awake until at least 4:30, then up again at 5:45, my body buzzing and warm. This is exactly what happened when I took Iodoral and Vitamin C. It’s funny– it actually didn’t occur to me that it was the magnesium until this morning. Last night I was thinking it was something I ate. But honestly I seem to have the strongest reaction to corn coming from supplements. One ingredient that is also in the Vitamin C that affected me so strongly is magnesium stearate. I just realized that it’s not listed on the corn allergen list I have been using, but it is on this one: corn allergen list. The other ingredients listed are “Provsolv, Pure Food Glaze, and Avicel.”

I think I really need to just start calling the manufacturer to ask if there are any corn derivatives in the product. One interesting thing that the doctor told me was that many companies use corn products interchangeably with other products, depending on what is cheapest at the time they’re buying ingredients. So, for example, they might list “starch” or “thickener” as an ingredient and that gives them the flexibility to use cornstarch one week and wheat flour another. As far as food is concerned, he said that Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods were the best about listing their ingredients.

So this morning I will order the magnesium he recommended and check that there is no corn in it…  And when I start any new supplement I will take it alone for 3 days to see if I have a reaction before adding in another.

My plan right now is to start taking iodine again as soon as the I-Throid arrives, and take that along with magnesium and the other supplements Dr. Brownstein recommends for a month or two. Also to see how well I can do avoiding corn derivatives.  And then to decide whether to do the Low Dose Allergen Therapy or to get less expensive seasonal allergy shots which I can administer myself.

So really I am back where I started in January, only this time with a known corn allergy.

Iodoral and Corn

I just figured out my problem with Iodoral!  It contains corn in some form– and I have just learned that I am allergic to corn. Two weeks ago I tested positive to corn in a food allergy test. I am fairly allergic to it. The way they test it is they inject a dilution of corn into your skin. If it reacts by swelling and growing red (I think sometimes there are other stronger reactions too), then they inject you with a further diluted amount until they find the level you can tolerate. It wasn’t until the third injection that I didn’t react. And then I swear the marks on my arm stayed red and swollen for almost two weeks.

I stopped eating corn after I discovered this, but yesterday by accident I ate a couple of cheese puffs. When I realized that I was eating corn, I decided to eat more :). It’s like that crazy kind of diet logic where when you go off your diet a little, you decide to just give up the day and eat whatever you want. We had these really delicious looking Late July organic corn tortilla chips my husband bought, and I really wanted some. So after the cheese puffs, I helped myself to the tortilla chips. Then… I woke up at 4 a.m. feeling super hot, just like what happened to me all spring when I was taking Iodoral.

I had a vague memory of reading about someone being allergic to corn and not being able to take Iodoral, and so I looked it up this morning when I got up, and there is some form of corn in Iodoral. I am so excited to have discovered this. It clarifies so many things. It explains why my symptoms  got worse when I began taking the recommended supplements with Iodoral. They must also contain corn. I looked up corn allergens on the web and found this page which lists ingredients which are derived from corn. Vitamin C can be derived from corn!  My symptoms were so much worse when I began taking Vitamin C.

It’s so crazy. You know I am pretty sure that the allergic reaction threw my hormones out of balance. I am going to search around on the web a little. But my reactions started with waking up hot in the middle of the night and then moved on to screwing up my period (making it very close together) and then giving me crazy hyper-emotional PMS days. Since I stopped taking Iodoral in any amount, this has all normalized.

 

 

 

Everything is the same. Nothing is different.

So I have had two sessions of food allergy testing now because the holistic doctor I went to in April said I looked like I had a food allergy. He said 50% of his patients’ were able to resolve their health problems through a change in diet.  But it turns out (at least so far) that I don’t really have food allergies. I am a bit allergic to corn, and slightly allergic to soy and strawberries. Dairy and wheat, which seem to be the big offenders, don’t bother me, nor do all the grains we tested, chicken, pork, kale, apples, chocolate (thank God), yeast…

The way the doctor ordered the allergy testing for me is really slow. I go in for a 3-hour session and am tested with one food and then have to wait about 10 minutes before I can be tested with another. This is the most accurate way to do it, and (I think) sets you up to be able to get shots later on to reduce your allergies. They test me by injecting the food into the top of my skin. It stings a bit, but it’s not too bad.

I haven’t been eating corn now for two weeks, and it hasn’t seemed to have made any difference. I have had killer seasonal allergies for the last two weeks +, but I think they are winding down. My main symptoms are serious fatigue and a slight headache. The fatigue really sucks. I just want to close my eyes and lie down. It doesn’t seem to matter how much sleep I get.

This is the fourth spring that I’ve had bad allergies. It was these same springtime allergies that made me realize I had a lump on my neck, which turned out to be thyroid cancer. So it’s very frustrating that here, three years later, I haven’t been able to clear them. The other night in a moment of severe frustration I googled “seasonal allergies fatigue” or something like that and read about butterbur as an herb that’s worked for some people for fatigue. So I went to iHerb and spent $60 on herbs for allergies because one of the reviewers said that these had solved all of her allergy problems.  I got butterbur, nettle, and quercetin. I actually tried quercetin three years ago in the spring, and it didn’t seem to do anything.

They arrived today and of course the fatigue is gone. I think whatever pollen it is that gets to me has run its course. Or maybe I healed myself just by buying the herbs. Ha!

What I am realizing is that this latest effort of mine to heal myself by going to a holistic doctor is not working any more than any of my other efforts have. The crazy hormonal imbalance I had going on (which I’m pretty sure was brought on by taking Iodoral) has cleared up on its own. I don’t seem to have any life altering food allergy. I’ve had a battery of blood and other tests, and I’m pretty sure they all turned out fine. That is, the doctor told me he would call me if anything came up, and he never did. So $940 later I am feeling better but not because of anything that anyone did for me. ($1000 if you count the herbs:) In fact, the holistic doctor told me to start taking these hefty multivitamins from Emerson Ecologics, and they’ve been screwing up my stomach and making me feel worse, if anything.

I have a friend, Leslie, who is also on the path of awakening. I was talking to her today, and she was saying that everything that isn’t peace is all the same. It’s all a manifestation of our ego mind. I am able to see that clearly when I get angry at my husband. I can look at my thoughts and see how it’s my ego thoughts that are making me unhappy. I can see that if I let go of these thoughts, I will be at peace again. But somehow when things go wrong with my body, I think it’s outside of me. I think I can find peace in herbs or in a doctor or in some other healing method. I mean, lots of people do. All those reviewers on iHerb who claim that such and such herb completely changed their life– they have found some peace in a bottle of pills.

But Leslie was saying that it’s all the same. That I need to allow whatever symptoms come up in my body. I have to stop resisting them, trying to make them go away. And that is when healing will come.  I think it really is true. That’s how what healing has happened with the thyroid tumor has come– from focusing on my spiritual practices: meditating, reading, allowing. There is a great talk by Story Waters on allowing, if you’re interested in that. The practice is basically to just be with whatever is happening in your body or mind– to watch it, to feel it, but without judgment. You’re not trying to change it or figure it out, you’re just allowing it. Of course, Story Waters explains it much better.

So I am going to finish out my last two allergy testing appointments. I am getting tested for molds and pollens, and maybe a couple more foods. But I’m not going to schedule an appointment with the nutritionist as the holistic doctor recommended. I have already done so much research on nutrition and changed my diet over the last 5 years that I don’t think I can go much further with dietary changes.

I have a follow-up appointment with the holistic doctor in two weeks, and I’ll see what he has to say. I want to finish this out since I’m in so far. But I think what I really need to do is see that everything is the same, and everything requires the same thing. I need to allow. I need to trust. I need to let go. I need to remember that I am Cause, not effect.

Ultrasound Results and No Surgery for Now

I picked the ultrasound results up from the hospital the next morning, and they showed that the tumor has shrunk again. This time not quite as much as in September, but the radiologist who read the report actually wrote down that it had shrunk. (Whereas in September he said that it was basically the same size.)

It was funny because in the past when I have picked up my ultrasound results I have always been very nervous/anxious. I go to the Medical Records office of the hospital and fill out a form, wait for them to print it out. They usually put it in an envelope, and then I have to get up the courage to actually open it. But this time, I didn’t really care that much. I had it in my head that I was getting surgery so it didn’t really matter if it had gotten bigger. And then it showed that it had shrunk.

I am developing a little theory that it grew last fall because of my super heavy workload at the time– especially from Thanksgiving through Christmas I was completely overwhelmed with work and family things. This all calmed down by the end of February.

After I got the results I met up with a friend for coffee. She is a relatively new friend, and I have never told her that I have thyroid cancer, but I have been wanting to. For one, I thought that the tumor on my neck was so obvious that she must be wondering what it was. And for two, I felt like we were growing close enough where I didn’t want to be holding out on something so big.

I am only including this to say that she said she had never noticed the tumor before. And here I have been thinking that everyone can see it and they’re just not saying anything!  It’s kind of funny how distorted our thinking can get. One of the main reasons I was thinking about surgery (and I know this is totally vain) was that I felt like the tumor was so plain to see, and it made me self-conscious. But now I realize that that’s actually not the case.

On Wednesday morning I woke up with the thought that I didn’t have to continue seeing the endocrinologist. I have had an appointment with an alternative thyroid doctor in the Boston area for over a month now. Initially when I made the appointment he didn’t have any time available until June 20th. I took it, but I knew I couldn’t wait that long and that was when I decided to make an appointment with the environmental/holistic doctor who could see me within 2 weeks. The afternoon before my appointment with this environmental/holistic doctor, the thyroid doctor’s office called and said they had a cancellation and could see me on May 13th.

So on Wednesday morning it occurred to me that I could just go to this other thyroid doctor– I could pursue surgery with him, and he’d likely be a lot more open. Late Wednesday morning I called the endocrinologist to find out the results of my blood tests. He said that my thyroid levels were all fine and that my thyroid was working properly, but that my TSH levels were “in the 2s,” which he thinks is too high. He dove right in again talking about how full removal of the thyroid was the best course. I told him I was going to see another thyroid doctor next week, and that I would see what he said.

Then on Thursday I went to my chiropractor. (I am on a chiropractic plan that entails getting adjusted twice a week for four months. It’s not really related to the thyroid cancer. Unless of course it is:) The chiropractor and his wife– they work together– are both very interested in alternative healing and very supportive. When I told them about the good ultrasound report, they were very encouraging.

And then (to finish this rambling story), on the drive home I was listening to The Teachings of Inner Ramana, when there was a sentence that seemed to speak directly to my issue, and I realized that I actually had a lot of faith in my ability to heal without surgery. I decided then to put off surgery again for a while.

The ultrasound results show that the tumor is basically the same size that it was a year and a half ago. I’m about to undergo a super thorough battery of allergy tests, and I have a holistic doctor who wants to find the underlying cause of the cancer. I think I have a lot going for me at this point, and I think surgery can wait.

Also, the hormone imbalance seems to be settling down. I haven’t had anymore of that heavy sadness that seems to descend out of the blue. I think I still have a little of the hot flashes, but they are much more subtle. I don’t think I would even notice them if they hadn’t been so much more pronounced before.

A visit with the endocrinologist

I went to see an endocrinologist on Monday. The environmental, holistic doctor had requested that I go to him to get a his opinion on the state of my hormones and whatever else an endocrinologist is in charge of. People have warned me about going to endocrinologists. The iodine supplementing crowd is very against them, but the holistic doctor said the endocrinologist would be able to interpret results better than him.

When he found out I had thyroid cancer, all the endocrinologist wanted to address was when and how I would get surgery. (I told him that I was now open to surgery.) He recommended full removal of the thyroid so that my TSH levels could be suppressed with medication. I told him I wanted to remove only the tumor, which is on the left lobe of the thyroid, and he said if they did this, they wouldn’t be able to control the TSH levels. Ideally, he said, I should also do the iodine radiation therapy too. I told him I didn’t want to do that.

Our conversation wasn’t really that constructive. He tried several times to convince me to get full removal, and I tried to explain that I didn’t want that. He said probably 4 times that you have to take into consideration what the patient thinks. It was kind of like he was repeating it to himself, reminding himself. Because he really didn’t listen to me at all. He interrupted me every time I answered his questions, and he never addressed my symptoms: messed up menstrual cycle, waking up hot, and frequent pms-like symptoms.

The appointment ended with them taking my blood and him telling me that I should schedule an appointment to see him in 1-2 weeks and that he would give me the names of some neck surgeons.

I was very discouraged when I left. I don’t know what I thought would happen, but it wasn’t that. I think one thing I had hoped was that he would diagnose the hormone imbalance and offer me some kind of medication to even it out.

So I came home and cried. I was feeling massively discouraged. Here I thought I was going to solve a problem, and I left having a whole set of new doctor appointments to go to. An hour later I had to go to the hospital for a scheduled ultrasound of the tumor.

An alternative doctor and a healing plan

I went to an alternative doctor today, a doctor who is interested in healing the cause of illness, not in treating the symptoms. It seems like such an obvious response, but it’s not. My primary care doctor, who is part of a “holistic” practice has never expressed any interest in figuring out what is at the root of the cancer.

I have been trying to make sense of my thoughts and feelings since the appointment. First I’ll say that the doctor said that he doesn’t think I have low thyroid. He thinks I have a hormone imbalance (I have a low sex drive, screwed up menstrual cycle, and now more and more frequent mood shifts– what I notice mainly is a heavy sadness that seems to fall on me). He says he could fix these symptoms with hormone therapy but that that wouldn’t get at the root of the cause.

He says my body is not detoxing properly and has ordered a series of blood (and other) tests to look for suspicious toxins. I know fungus and mold were two of them. He has also told me to  go to an endocrinologist to get a full battery of tests and a diagnosis, to get skin patch allergy tests, and then to follow up with a nutritionist to be put on a diet that works with whatever food allergies I may have. He said I look like I have food allergies. (Do you think that’s a compliment?)

In general he thinks there’s something fairly seriously out of balance. When I told him my experience of waking up in the middle of the night from taking Iodoral, he said that very few people had adverse reactions to Iodoral and this was another red flag.

After I left I felt like crying. And why? In part I think because of this hormonal thing. I felt that same heavy sadness descend. But also it seemed like too much—too much to have to go to all these appointments, too much to have to follow a diet, too much to have all this hormonal problems coming in now after 3 years of effort at healing naturally. And then it occurred to me that perhaps this was all a gift from Holy Spirit to nudge me out of my small self, to push me into surrender. Because honestly I don’t feel like I can do all of this on my own.

On the way home I got pulled over by a policeman for driving through a stop sign. Thankfully he only gave me a warning. While I was waiting for him to write it up I was thinking about how I had attracted all this with my gloomy mood, and then I thought about how I couldn’t bear to be in charge of attracting the right things to myself. I couldn’t bear to be in charge of making sure that my thoughts were aligned rightly, that I was focusing on the proper things. Certainly I can’t bear to focus on my healing any more. I am so sick of it.

It was kind of funny. When the doctor was saying he could give me something to fix my hormone imbalance, I was thinking, “Give it to me!” I don’t really feel this way totally, but part of me is so tired of all this healing effort. I don’t even care if I’m fully healed anymore. I just want to be like everyone else and make the problem go away as fast as possible.

The tumor is hurting today a bit. Little twinges of slight pain. I asked the doctor if he thought I should get surgery, and he said he really couldn’t say. Then I asked if he thought surgery would interfere with his plan to get at the root cause, and he said it wouldn’t.

I have another ultrasound in a week and a half. I will make an appointment with the endocrinologist tomorrow, and hopefully he will be able to recommend a good thyroid surgeon.

An alternative doctor and supplementing with iodine again

All that said about wanting to heal through the mind, I am quite happy because I have found an alternative doctor who I think supports iodine therapy, and I have an appointment to see him in two weeks. He specializes in environmental medicine, which I need to read more about. But this includes allergies, which are a major issue for me in the spring and late summer.

I spent a good deal of time (way too much time) this week reading more about iodine and how to implement it. Yahoo groups are great, but I would search the Yahoo Iodine Group for a specific thing like, which type of selenium to take, and I would get over 1000 results. How long do you spend looking?

One thing I downloaded and read was a .pdf file called The Guide to Supplementing with Iodine. You can download it for free from that link. I am going to try iodine again, but this time use all of the supplements that are recommended.  The first time I tried iodine, a couple months ago, I took it with a very high dose of Vitamin C (which upset my stomach) and Celtic sea salt. This time I am going to add in selenium, magnesium, ATP Cofactors, and an adrenal health supporting herb. I got all of these at iherb, which is a good site. I got a buffered version of Vitamin C, which should help with my stomach problems, and I got a version of magnesium that is supposed to be easy on your stomach also.

Here are screenshots of my order in case you want to see exactly what I decided on. I did afterall spend 2000 hours researching the types before I ordered:)

I am excited to start them because a lot of the reviews on iHerb had people talking about what a big difference some of them had made. I’m starting with all the supplements except Iodoral. I will add that in after I talk to the doctor in two weeks.  A lot of the information says it’s best to do tests and monitor things when you’re taking Iodoral.

Just to review my main symptoms now are: low sex drive, more frequent periods, occasional low energy, and occasional unexplained weight gain. I have had low sex drive since the birth of my second daughter 7 years ago. The problems with my period seem to have developed in the last 6 months; the unexplained weight gain has been happening for the last two years– but in spurts, not all of the time; and the low energy seems very related to allergies and has been consistently happening in the spring and late summer. Overall, however, my health seems very good. I run and do sports and function normally most of the time.

I will post again after my doctor’s visit.

Looking for love in all the wrong places and then in the right place

I have been continuing to waver between faith and fear. I found a number of websites that talk about the iodine protocol that Dr. Brownstein suggests. Here are the websites– they are all on thyroid issues and healing them using supplements and natural hormones:

Stop the Thyroid Madness a site which endorses using natural hormones rather than synthetic ones to fix thyroid problems.

Natural Thyroid Choices, the site and blog of a woman who had thyroid cancer which spread to her lymph nodes and how she healed. (She actually went to Dr. Brownstein.)

Iodine Yahoo Group, a discussion group for people using iodine to improve their health. I believe it was started by the woman from Natural Thyroid Choices.

These websites have a lot of useful information, but I was looking for two things: a thyroid doctor recommendation in the Boston area and for someone who had had a similar experience as me when taking iodine. I have spent hours on these websites, and haven’t really found either. I did get one clue that my iodine experience might be due to adrenal overload.

I did find a thyroid doctor. He was recommended by my chiropractor’s wife. I made an appointment for June 20th, which was the first available.

And so what is my point here except that I have been delving into the world, looking for a solution to my thyroid issues, and it has been completely frustrating and mostly fruitless. Last night after spending two hours on the internet, hopping from link to link trying to get my questions answered, I wrote two emails. One to a medical intuitive I saw almost 3 summers ago when I first discovered the nodule, and one to the woman who runs the natural thyroid choices website. I asked the medical intuitive for a recommendation of a natural thyroid doctor, and I asked the website woman about having a consultation with her. (It says on her website that she does phone consultations. She is now a naturopathic doctor and specializes in all of this.) I promptly got two denials. The medical intuitive wrote this fast email without addressing me or signing off, saying that I should not go to an endocrinologist. That general practitioners were best. And the website woman said she was not doing consultations at this time.

It struck me as funny to get such abrupt and negative responses. Like it is confirmation that I am looking in the wrong place. It completely takes me out of my peace to scan the internet for information. There is a lot of fear and warnings on these websites. So much belief in the necessity of doing the right thing. So much belief that healing is found in the right combination of pills. I begin to buy into it. I wonder what the right thing is for me. I keep looking on the web. I hope that I can find someone who will help me find the right thing for me.

Then today I read from NTI, Luke, Chapter 22. It is an extremely helpful chapter for me. It’s kind of long and I didn’t want to copy the whole thing (though the whole thing is even better), so I’ve tried to excerpt some of the most important parts:

• “The thoughts within your mind can seem to take you in circles. You can seem to move from understanding to confusion at lightening speed, which makes you dizzy. Do not let this concern you. when this seems to happen within your mind, you are witnessing your own resistance struggling in a fight for survival. Remember that I have told you this is your fear of healing. Remember I have shown you that your fear of healing must be sickness. Be grateful that your sickness has come to the surface where it may be healed. Remember that the way in which you let sickness be healed is simply to rest in its presence.

• Do not get caught up in the struggle to understand what cannot be understood. Remember I have told you that this is a ploy of resistance. Instead, rest. Give your faith and willingness to Me, that you may be healed through your decision to rest and trust.

…

• You know that you want the comfort and peace of God. And now you know that this comfort and peace comes from within. So what you must do is choose the comfort and peace of God by denying anything that you recognize as alien to that comfort and peace. For if it is not of God, it does not exist. It is merely sickness born of imagined meaning. Therefore, there is nothing to do with it except let it be healed.

• Where you see a need to defend, rest and let that perception be healed. Where you see fear, rest and let that perception be healed. Where you see guilt, rest and let that perception be healed. Whenever you think you are not worthy of all of the glory of God, rest and let that perception be healed. As you rest, you will be healed.

• Within the mind of health, you will receive guidance. Trust and follow your guidance. It comes but from your true Self, which is based on truth, not illusion.

This last paragraph is where I get mixed up. I can see that I do all of what the other paragraphs talk about. In my search for the right mix of supplements, for the right doctor, I am seeing fear and the need to defend. That channel that I listened to a couple of weeks ago mentioned that I had waited a long time to with the cancer and that I could safely only wait another 6 months. So if this is true, I am feeling under the gun to heal. My ego mind tells me that if I wait until my doctor’s appointment on June 20th, it may be too late to implement iodine therapy, which is supposed to be so effective. This is fear. I should be resting and trusting. Not believing it and frantically searching the internet for answers.

Where I get mixed up is in trusting that I will receive guidance. And trusting in that guidance when I do receive it. When I asked the chiropractor for a thyroid doctor, the answer came so easily. Then I called up and the receptionist was kind and responsive. I think this was probably guidance. Whereas my fearful searching on the web has only led to two dead ends.

But even now I feel my ego tugging at me. To call the Broda Barnes Foundation again (even though I’ve left two messages) and try to find a doctor here who will work with me on the iodine therapy. My ego wants to take over. It wants to do something. It can’t stand resting and trusting.

I have been getting great comfort and peace from meditating with the Sacred Acoustics meditations. I listen to them and hold my hand over my thyroid. I took a reiki class last year, and there’s supposed to be healing coming out of my hands now. I make that sound so cynical. I actually do believe it, but I don’t think you necessarily have to take a reiki class for it to work. I think if you place your hand somewhere with the intention to heal, then it’s the intention that is healing through our One Mind, it’s not some secret thing that’s only granted to people who take a class.

If you are reading this I am sending you love and healing, too.