Formal Letter

I thought it might be helpful to some to mention that my doctor recently sent me a letter by certified mail. As I have mentioned, her practice which had a more holistic bent, was bought out by a larger and more conservative health care organization. She wasn’t sure at the time that she would be able to continue to serve as my doctor if I continued to follow an unconventional treatment.

Just recently I received a formal letter from her in which she reviews the fact that I was diagnosed with papillary carcinoma in 2010, how a biopsy confirmed this, how a specialist recommended surgery as a cure, how I opted not to have surgery with the understanding that the tumor could grow and spread to other parts of the body. It goes on to say that since then I have been receiving periodic ultrasounds, that the tumor has stabilized but has not gone away, that if the tumor grows my chances for a cure may be significantly compromised, and how she encourages me to pursue surgery.

This was done to have a legal record that I have been offered surgery and have declined it.

I am actually quite grateful that my doctor and this organization are still willing to work with me. I’m not upset by the letter. I just think it’s interesting to note that the establishment is not at all comfortable with people pursuing alternative healthcare options and to some extent this is a legal issue.

Wayne Dyer and John of God

A friend just recently sent me this link. It’s Wayne Dyer talking to Abraham. I don’t know too much about Wayne Dyer, except that my mom read his books and he’s often on PBS during their fundraisers. He was diagnosed with leukemia some time ago, and in this talk he explains how John of God healed him. Or how he has perceived that John of God healed him, because as Abraham points out, Wayne Dyer allowed himself to be healed.

I just found out about John of God this fall when a friend of mine who was going to see him asked if I wanted her to take my photo. You can bring photos of people to receive blessings from him and his entourage. Apparently he has healed millions of people. He lives in Brazil, and you can go to visit him there.

I mainly wanted to post the link to this discussion which is very good. It is reaffirming that fear holds illness in place and that we must release our fear and belief in our sickness to allow health to be restored.

One thing I would add is that Abraham seems to emphasize (or maybe it’s more my emphasis) that you have to be willing to be healed. The person who is sick has the biggest role to play. John of God can help people see more clearly or perhaps help them release their fears, but it is their expectation and belief in John of God that is allowing them to release these fears.

My friend who went to see John of God told me that they said it often takes 3 visits to John of God before people are healed. That you can’t expect to go there and be instantly healed. But I think that it’s only the fact that people aren’t ready to be instantly healed that prevents them from instantaneous healing.

I continue to think about my realization this fall that I believed my cancer was some kind of penance– a kind of payback– for all the stress and negativity I put myself through many years ago. From the moment when I received the cancer diagnosis I did not feel like I was a victim or that this was bad luck. I understood that I had brought it to myself. But I got stuck there– feeling like I had made my bed and now I had to sleep on it. Until it finally occurred to me that there is never any reason for suffering or punishment. All that is required is to let go of the negative thoughts that appear.

But what I did for a time was rearrange the negative thoughts: after the diagnosis I began being kinder to myself, allowing myself to rest more, allowing myself to spend as much time as I wanted on my spiritual practice, allowing myself to go to counseling, get acupuncture, etc.  I gave myself all kinds of attention and care in the form of alternative treatments. But I was holding on to the belief that I deserved the cancer because of my previous behavior. And this is certainly a negative thought.

I do think now that I have mostly let this go. I honestly don’t believe that I even have cancer anymore. There is still a lump, but it is dissolving and one day it will be gone. I feel healthy and energetic. I have no reason to believe in sickness at all.

The other day I was thinking that I don’t think I’ll ever tell anyone again that I have thyroid cancer. It doesn’t seem true anymore. It seems like to tell someone that would be to hold on to a past story that is no longer relevant. And I know that the more I believe this, the more I am convinced of this, the quicker the lump and any remaining effects of the cancer will be gone.